Confession of a Killer
By Tim Finley
I am ashamed to admit I committed murder. Yes, I was a partner in ending someone’s life. It is not a story I am proud to reveal; however, I need to share it so you don’t make the same mistake. If you do, or have, you too can be pardoned, which includes forgiving yourself. Perhaps my story will prevent someone from making the same tragic mistake we made.
The victim would be about forty now – probably with children, and perhaps grandchildren. I ended that family line because of my selfishness.
Following my nasty divorce in the 70’s, I became involved with a young lady whose company I truly enjoyed – but I didn’t love her. We became intimate, and she became pregnant. Because, I didn’t love her, plus I wasn’t ready for another failed marriage, I convinced her to get an abortion. For those who know me, my partner in this tragedy was not my current wife, Loveda, of 35 years.
I don’t know the sex of the child because that is not revealed at abortion clinics. Whatever it was, it was thrown into a trashcan. In my young selfish, unknowing mind, we were merely going to get rid of a “blob”. I didn’t know what was going on in her mind, and I am ashamed to say I probably didn’t care.
At that time, abortions were illegal in our home state of Ohio, so we flew to Washington D.C., for the simple procedure. We were only at the slaughterhouse for a few hours in the morning, so I suggested we treat ourselves to an elegant lobster lunch before our flight home. As we sat at the table, I pigged out on the succulent crustacean, but my companion was just sitting there staring into space. Like the ignorant heathen I was, I blurted, “ Why aren’t you eating your expensive meal?!”
With tears rolling down her young cheeks, she replied, “Tim, I just had an abortion.” I don’t remember what I said, but it probably was not very comforting or sympathetic. I didn’t understand what we had done. To me, we had just gotten rid of a “blob.” Even though abortion eventually was legalized in Ohio, and it was accepted as politically correct, that does not change the fact it is a human being.
It was not until several years later, while I watched a group of lively youngsters laugh and play, that I was hit between the eyes by a ton of bricks. Suddenly I realized what had been done – my girlfriend and I had murdered an unborn child – a child who would have been about the same age as those I was watching. Would my child have been playing with those same children if we had given him or her the chance to live? I had been a fool. I sat there stunned as my brain finally connected with my heart.
I had murdered my own flesh and blood. How could I have been so naive, so stupid, so completely insensitive, and so selfish? If I had wanted this child it would have been a cuddly baby nestled in its mother’s womb. What a jerk!
I am very much an advocate for individual rights, as long as there are no consequences that will harm an innocent bystander. I also believe a woman has the right to do with her body as she pleases, but unfortunately there are many women who either don’t know what they are doing, or don’t care. Like it or not, it is a baby. This is no longer about a woman’s body – it is about the bodies of “two” human beings. The baby is the innocent bystander.
Here is the truth based on fact. In the first month after conception, the sex of the baby is already determined, as are all other genetic traits. The embryo travels from the fallopian tube to the uterus, where the egg is implanted on the wall of the uterus. The placenta develops, as do the baby’s heart, brain, and intestinal tract.
In the second month, the vertebrae begin to form, blood begins to flow, and eye development begins. Fingers and toes appear, plus the baby’s nose and ears develop. All essential organs are developing, eyelids form, muscle contraction begins, and facial features are more prominent. The tiny little heart now has four chambers.
Need I continue?
Anyone who thinks this is not a living human being is not thinking straight. I wasn’t thinking straight, and that is why I am sharing my story with you. If my mistake saves one unborn life, then I will feel that my child did not die in vain. Please, please, please think it through and share our story with anyone who may benefit from it. It is a baby!
My participation in the murder of an unborn child haunted me for years and it wasn’t until I met Jesus that I realized that our baby went to Heaven and that I will meet him or her someday. Thanks to Jesus my entrance into Heaven will be based on one thing, and that is my acceptance of what he did for me, which includes his death on a cross that forgave all my sins.
If you are not a Christian, I suggest you say the following prayer:
I know that I am a sinner and in need of salvation. I don’t know much about religion, but I am going to trust that your Son Jesus Christ died to pay a debt that I cannot pay. From now and forever I am trusting in Jesus’ death, burial and resurrection as payment in full for my sins and for my eternal life in Heaven. Thank you, Jesus, for loving and forgiving me!
If you have said that prayer, you have been pardoned.
I cannot imagine what it would be like to lay my head on the pillow at night and not know that all of my sins were forgiven. Just the sins that I had committed that day would keep me awake. I said the above prayer in 1980, and that very moment Jesus revealed to me that all of my past, present, and future sins were forgiven. Thank you Jesus!